Why I Take A Pill Every Day For My Mental Health

I’m stronger because of it.

I prepped myself for a few weeks. I knew what I had to do as I made the appointment with my doctor. I had been in therapy for almost a year. It was helping, but it wasn’t. I knew I needed that pill.

I felt numb as I went through the motions to get it.

It felt like an out of body experience to mutter those words anxiety and depression to my doctor. I half-way listened as the pharmacist talked to me about side effects and how to take it and when. I knew the drill. I had been here before. I knew I needed it, but I didn’t want it.

I brought the bottle home, and I left it on the counter. Every time I walked by that bottle the rest of the day, it was looming like an admission of failure. I needed that antidepressant because I wasn’t able to conquer my anxiety alone. I was feeling depressed also which wasn’t a normal thing for me. I told myself I’d take it in the morning, hoping the morning wouldn’t come for about a million years.

When I woke up the next day, I stared at that bottle. I only felt a slight sense of hope as I debated.

Maybe I’m fine.